Are You A 100% Avoidence Giver?

"How Much Do You Invest in Avoidance?"

Avoidance is like the Netflix of emotions—we all indulge in it, knowing we probably shouldn’t, but hey, one more episode (or excuse) won’t hurt, right?

Take me, for example. I love to think—especially when it involves avoiding what I really should be doing. I’ll analyze, reanalyze, and then Google some more, convincing myself that I’m just 'gathering information.' It’s like procrastination’s classy cousin: the intellectual avoider. Need to write that proposal? Nah, let's first research 'how to write the perfect proposal'—for three hours.

Picture this: you have a deadline looming, but instead of tackling that task head-on, you suddenly need to organize your kitchen pantry. Every spice jar is alphabetized. Next thing you know, the car that was perfectly fine is getting an "urgent wash" because how can you possibly concentrate when it's that dirty?

The Conflict-Avoidance Trap

Avoiding conflict works the same way. Maybe your partner did something that bugged you, but instead of addressing it, you silently stew, hoping they'll "just know." Or at work, when a colleague crosses a boundary, and instead of saying something, you smile, nod, and later vent to your cat—only for the tension to keep bubbling up.

Or maybe you’re avoiding a tough conversation with your kids, co-workers, or friends. Instead of tackling it, you keep dodging, hoping the issue will just… vanish. Spoiler: it won’t. Instead, it festers like that forgotten sandwich in the back of your fridge.

Why Do We Do This?

Whether it’s work procrastination or relationship avoidance, the reasons are often the same: discomfort, fear of judgment, self-doubt, and that nagging inner voice saying, "What if I'm just not good enough?" We convince ourselves that avoidance will ease the discomfort, but spoiler alert—it doesn’t. If anything, it multiplies it. The pile under the rug just gets bigger.

ACT and Facing the Uncomfortable

In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), this kind of avoidance is called experiential avoidance. Instead of dodging what’s difficult, ACT encourages us to lean in and confront it. Yes, it’s uncomfortable, but it’s also freeing. It’s about accepting that discomfort is part of life and committing to taking action based on what truly matters—despite those nagging feelings.

So, next time you find yourself organizing your pantry for the third time this week or letting unresolved frustrations simmer with your partner, ask yourself: "Am I avoiding something?" And if the answer is yes, remember, it's time to ACT—on what matters most.