Why We Break Up with Our Goals (And How to Stay Committed)
- Adi Perkal
- Jan 5
- 3 min read
It’s not a secret held by health coaches or personal trainers: at some point, you’ve probably said to yourself, “On Monday, I’ll start,” or “This is the year!” Maybe it was the 1st of January, 8 weeks to Christmas, or that mythical “after the holiday” date. And you didn’t just make the promise—you really meant it.
You picked a start date, got motivated, and maybe even stuck to the plan for a few weeks. But then life happened. Motivation wore off, and by week four or five, your commitment had quietly snuck out the back door, leaving you wondering, “What happened?”
Why Commitment Fades
As it happens, motivation might light the fire, but it’s not the fuel that keeps it burning. Let’s break down why your commitment sometimes decides to “ghost” you.
1. Your Goal Is Too Big (or Unrealistic)
Sure, starting with grand ambitions is exciting, but if your goal feels like climbing Everest without oxygen, it’s no surprise that commitment fades. The thought of all the “sacrifices” feels overwhelming, and the finish line seems so distant that your brain decides, “Let’s just not.”
It’s like trying to run a marathon when your previous record is sprinting to catch the bus.
2. Your Goal Isn’t Grounded in Your Values
When a goal aligns with what you truly value, it’s easier to stay committed—even when life throws curveballs. For example, if your value is family, you might stick to a new training regime because it helps you keep up with your kids. But if your goal is purely about weight loss, the commitment might fade after six weeks because it lacks deeper meaning.
“Losing weight because your jeans don’t fit is great, but keeping up with your kids at the park? That’s a whole different level of motivation.”
Life After Commitment Fades: Two Scenarios
1. Parting Ways, No Hard Feelings
Your commitment fades, and your goal becomes a distant memory. Sure, you might think about it while running to your next meeting, but that’s about it. It’s not that you don’t care anymore; it’s just that the goal wasn’t deeply tied to what you value most.
Sound familiar?
You start thinking, “Maybe next Monday,” but Mondays are starting to look a lot like Fridays—busy, overwhelming, and no easier to start anything new.
2. Parting Ways, All the Hard Feelings
When you fail to commit, it can feel personal—like you’re a failure, a disappointment, or “stuck.” These feelings might even send you back to old habits, making it harder to get back on track.
But those uncomfortable feelings? They’re signals. They’re telling you that your goal is deeply important to you—linked to what you value most. Not pursuing it takes you off the road of the direction you want to head (your value), making it harder to realign with what truly matters.
What’s happening? Overthinking, an overprotective mind, and an all-or-nothing attitude might be creating the perfect storm. Add to that the belief that “I always fail,” and suddenly you’re seeing yourself as the problem—not as someone simply navigating a tough situation.
Next Time: Break the Cycle
Here are some practical ways to stay on track:
Know Where You’re Heading:Define your values—what truly matters to you. Goals grounded in values are harder to abandon.
Set Realistic, Workable Goals:Break big goals into smaller, manageable steps. Progress is progress, no matter how small.
Embrace Life’s Unpredictability:Things won’t always go smoothly, but that doesn’t mean you should stop. Flexibility is your friend.
Detach from Thoughts:
When self-doubt creeps in, remind yourself: “This is just a thought, not a fact.”
Thank your brain for trying to protect you, but keep moving forward.
Ditch the All-or-Nothing Thinking:
A slip-up doesn’t ruin everything. Missing one workout or eating the cookie doesn’t undo all your effort. Let the thought pass and carry on.
Adopt an Each-Day Attitude:
Instead of seeing your journey as an endless series of “every day for…” commitments, focus on each day as it comes. Life is unpredictable, and some days will test you more than others, but every day offers a chance to realign with your values and take a step forward.
Practical Tip: At the end of each day, reflect on one thing you did well, no matter how minor it might seem. It helps reinforce commitment and keeps your momentum going.
Worthy Insight: “Some days you’re crushing your to-do list; other days, showing up is the win. Both count!”
The Takeaway
Commitment isn’t about never slipping—it’s about getting back on track, again and again. Align your goals with what truly matters, and when life happens (because it will), you’ll find yourself sticking to the process—not because of motivation, but because it means something to you.
SO.... Next Monday? Sure. But how about today? Your goals—and your future self—will thank you.
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